I remember my first night in prison vividly. I felt disoriented, paranoid and anxious, with no idea what to expect. If everything wasn’t already overwhelming, I then discovered I was pregnant. What should have been joyous news was instead terrifying.
I had to tell my partner that our first child might be born in prison. He began preparing himself mentally to be a single father, believing he would have to raise the baby on his own.
In a situation mirroring my own in many ways, I was both shocked and strangely excited when I heard that Sonia Fowler (Natalie Cassidy) from EastEnders was pregnant in prison. Like Sonia, I was held in prison before trial, and I was pregnant too.
In the soap, the impact prison is having on Sonia is visible: she looks exhausted, stressed and malnourished. That reflects reality, as there is no comfort in prison. I remember how much my body ached as it pressed against the unforgiving metal slats of the bed. The cold was relentless, and all we were given was a flat sheet and a thin hospital-style blanket. A duvet wasn’t considered a necessity.
There is no nutritious food in prison, not even for pregnant women. There was no fresh fruit or vegetables, and I remember the potatoes being covered in mud.
Sonia also voices her fears about the fact that pregnant women in prison are twice as likely to give birth prematurely. This struck me deeply, as it’s a reality I can relate to: every day I was pregnant in prison I was worried about what would happen to my baby.
One time, I even had a medical emergency. During my first trimester, I woke up in the night with severe cramps. I was so worried I was miscarrying. I rang the buzzer for help and explained my symptoms, but there were no medical staff available at night. Whether I would be taken to hospital was up to the prison officers.
Hours later, officers eventually escorted me to the hospital in handcuffs. It was so dehumanising, and the officers were more concerned about being late home than the safety of my baby. Their lack of empathy was crushing, and I wasn’t allowed to contact my partner to tell him what was happening.
At the hospital we went to, the early pregnancy unit wasn’t open at weekends, and I was told to come back on Monday. On the way back to prison, one officer said, ‘Maybe this isn’t meant to be.’ I was stunned. How could someone say that? I later filed a complaint, but nothing came of it.
That night, back in my cell, I cried for hours. I was consumed with fear that my baby was gone. Without access to my family or a private scan, I felt powerless and scared.
The isolation from your loved ones is one of the hardest parts of prison. The scenes of Sonia in prison are all when she’s being visited by partner Reiss Colwell (Jonny Freeman). People assume prison visits are moments of joy and a chance to reconnect with loved ones. In reality, they’re some of the hardest moments to endure. Visits give you a painful glimpse of everything you’re missing.
When you’re on remand like I was, the only upside is that you’re entitled to unlimited visits, but even that doesn’t compare to the comfort you’d feel being kept on bail in the community.
The lack of physical connection during visits is another harsh reality the show portrays well. Sonia meets her partner during the scene, and as he leans in to hug her, she stops him, saying, ‘No Reiss, you can’t.’
This brought back vivid memories for me. Long hugs were prohibited due to ‘security concerns.’ Officers claimed prolonged contact could be used to smuggle contraband, but for those of us inside, it was just another way of stripping us of basic human comfort. Sometimes, all you really need is a hug.
With the limited time they have, I think EastEnders is doing a commendable job of capturing the harsh realities of being pregnant in prison. It’s raw, emotional, and painfully accurate.
I’m also glad they’re covering the shocking reality of pregnant women being held in prison before their trial. Many people don’t know this happens; I wish I had been kept at home on bail instead.
Prison is no place for pregnant women. It strips you of autonomy, ignores your needs, and reduces you to just another number. Basic communication and care are lacking.
Years later, I still think about my experience — how preventable so much of the pain and confusion was. This is why I now campaign with Level Up to end the imprisonment of pregnant women.
When my case went to trial, as Sonia’s will this week, I was found not guilty and released home. Thankfully, I gave birth to my baby safely, in a hospital. I hope that the same happens for Sonia.
