ITV Emmerdale’s Roxy Shahidi recalls traumatic birth of premature daughter and ‘mum guilt’

Emmerdale’s Leyla star Roxy Shahidi has candidly opened up about her premature daughter’s traumatic birth and the struggles with mum guilt for the first time.

The actress, who took on a new challenge away from her Emmerdale role by joining ITVBe’s documentary series Drama Queens, confessed to feeling nervous as the show premiered earlier this month.

The series gives an intimate glimpse into the lives of beloved soap stars as they balance their demanding careers with personal life. Roxy courageously let the cameras capture her most vulnerable moments, including discussing the heart-wrenching loss of her father at the age of 41 when she was just 17.

Despite feeling secure during the filming of these deeply personal segments, the thought of exposing them to millions left her anxious. Roxy stars alongside the likes of Coronation Street’s Lucy Fallon and Ellie Leach, as well as Rita Simons, formerly of EastEnders and now with Hollyoaks, for the eight-part series.

The soap star, 41, is naturally quite a private person and admits committing to the new series was a big decision for her. Roxy, best known for her role as Leyla Harding, describes filming Drama Queens as “being as authentic as you can be. And that leaves you feeling a little bit exposed.”

“Doing a lot of press or reality stuff, or anything that really exposed me on a personal level, is something I’ve previously shied away from, because it made me feel vulnerable,” she confesses. “Rather than brave it and put my toe in the water, I just kind of hid away from it.”

Drama Queens is a new experience for Roxy, who has been a part of Emmerdale since 2008. Earlier this year, she also participated in Dancing On Ice – with the soap star revealing she decided to embark on new challenges after turning 40 last year and wanting to “embrace new things”

But Roxy will be keeping one aspect of her life away from the cameras. She has always been protective of her six year old daughter, whom she shares with her husband of 14 years, actor Arsher Ali. The couple have never publicly disclosed her name. “With my daughter, we didn’t feel quite ready to put her on screen,” she admits to OK! magazine.

“Arsher and I have never shared her before on social media or anything like that, and we made the decision not to do that with this as well. My husband doesn’t appear either, but that’s just because he was away working at the time. He’s been really busy filming the second season of Everyone Else Burns for Channel 4, and Sky’s Funny Woman, so I didn’t manage to drag him in front of the camera. But if we get a second series, I’ve threatened to do it!”

Despite her family’s absence from Drama Queens, Roxy engages in on-screen discussions with the other women particularly her Emmerdale pals, Amy Walsh and Laura Norton, who also participate about “mum guilt”. She believes these conversations will resonate with many mothers.

“I think every mother has mum guilt, and for me, I feel the most guilty when I’ve actually had a really nice weekend away without my husband or daughter,” laughs the actress. “But it’s so important to work through that guilt, because if you don’t, you never do anything that’s just for you, whether that’s work or socialising. Those things allow you to be your fuller, whole self, and therefore a better parent.”

In one particular episode of the show, she has a heart-to-heart with Laura, which leads to the ladies talking about their birth experiences. It’s not something Roxy has ever publicly shared, and she says the difficult and premature arrival of her daughter left her with emotional scars she is only just dealing with now.

“I think, for a long time, I held on to trauma from that,” she admits. “At the time, I didn’t have counselling, but now I’m seeing an amazing therapist and having EMDR [Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing], which helps you process trauma. I’m not an absolute wreck about it, but I also think it’s very healthy to talk about the fact that you’re seeing a therapist, because it’s still something shrouded in shame. For me, it’s been the most healing, progressive, empowering thing.”

Elsewhere, Roxy, a qualified yoga instructor, admits she’s looking forward to some relaxation, eyeing a holiday and some yoga sessions to unwind, and reveals the other reality TV shows she’s up for appearing on – admitting she wouldn’t say “no to Strictly Come Dancing, although I think it’s too soon after Dancing On Ice”, but doesn’t fancy a stint in the jungle for I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

Roxy has no plans to bid farewell to Emmerdale. Relishing her 16-year tenure on the popular ITV1 soap, she is as enthusiastic today as when she first started. She tells OK! magazine how she loves being in the Yorkshire based soap and feels lucky to play Leyla, “because she’s such a fun character.”